Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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