i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
