yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
