if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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