I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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