she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
