everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
