Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
