i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
