Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Less talking, more tequila
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.