I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk