"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.