Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.