my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
