So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
