i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
