So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
