So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
