So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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