I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
accomplished twins. life is a go
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
