yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
