I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
