Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
