Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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