ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
