so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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