You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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