WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
