There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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