Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
