Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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