I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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