I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
