this beer tastes like vomit already
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
