I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
