Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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