i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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