I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
