I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
well you can't waste a boner
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize