I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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