Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
