I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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