the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
