how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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