My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
