Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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