Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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