Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
