Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
