The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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