So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
be right there i have to get my cape
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
