Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize