woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
