How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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