Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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