Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
