Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
