is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
