the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
