apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
