dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
