Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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