I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
