You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
