I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
