okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
