I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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