While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
