I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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