At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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