I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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