Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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