If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
