Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
