so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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