time to smoke my breakfast
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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