I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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