Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
