Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
