we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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