I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
